Tuesday, March 3, 2015

People of the Lie

Over the past few weeks, every single time I mentioned my impending cataract surgery the response was the same: "Oh, my sister (best friend, mother, grandmother, husband) just had it and it was nothing! It doesn't hurt at all. It's no big deal." All I have to say about that is "Hah!"

Here are the facts: Yes, the actual surgery, which takes about 15 minutes, is no big deal because you are knocked out during it. It's when you wake up that the actual deal starts, and let me tell you, it is not only big, it is giant, especially (and perhaps only) if you have a vision problem in addition to the cataracts. In my case I have always been very nearsighted, and so now the one eye that was "fixed" can see perfectly while the other "old eye" is still myopic. There is a mandatory waiting period of two or three weeks between surgeries, during which you can not see much of anything. There are no glasses that work. You just wait.

And while you wait you can't really read or watch TV, unless you cover one eye or close it since a patch is forbidden on the eye that had surgery. During this hazy, crazy, blurry period you must also apply medicinal drops to your eye: three different kinds, three times a day, for five weeks. Some of them sting. All of them are annoying. Sometimes your eye itches, but whatever you do, DON'T RUB IT!!!!!!

The whole lousy, stinking ball of wax results in headaches, confusion and general crankiness. It also causes a decreased appetite, so count on losing five pounds or more during the process, the only silver lining in this very cloudy experience. That and not going blind someday.

Just wanted you to know: cataract surgery is not nothing. It is something. Be ready.

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